A midnight flasher

So i've been living in Japan since September 2012 and god bless Japan for being so safe. Haven't experienced as many terrible things in a year as i did in Denmark and the things i experienced were totally different. In Denmark i had a lot of violence or robbery experience and in Japan its more on a perverted, oral or sexual harassment kinda level. Usually it would be creepy lonely men giving me dirty or creepy comments, taking pictures or asking me "how much?" and not effected by words and them accepting a no I'm fine with that. Those verbally situations i feel like i can control, but last week i experienced something that was totally out of my control. 

 To sum up what happened here recently, i was already super excited for this weekend. Friday was national holiday and i had planned out how much i was going to sleep, relax and celebrate. I just needed Thursday to be over... FAST! I had double work, first at the pre-school and after at the bar till 11pm and it was hell. I was tired, sleepy and for the first 2-3 hours no customers came so i was pretty much left to myself watching youtube and trying not to fall asleep. My shift was over and i was ready to go home. Stopping by the don quixote on the way because i was craving Jelly Belly's and happily eating them on the way i was truly in my happy moment. That was about to change. 

As i turn into my road a guy who pass me does an u-turn after me. I try not to think anything weird of it since he could have been lost or something similar. I just had a weird stranger danger sense so i kept an discrete eye on him. Nothing happened though and i turned into my building and he turns into the building across stopping at the mailboxes at the side of the building. I look at the big Shinjuku tower clock i can see from my building, its midnight. I unlock my door and again get this stranger danger feeling that tells me to look behind me which i did. 

I think nothing could ever prepare me for what i was about to see. The guy was standing on a stage like platform in front of the building across mine. He's pants were down and the reflexion of he's insanely pale thighs blinded me but not enough to see what was happening. One hand between he's legs. Eye contact. 

My mind went blank, giving the guy probably the most disappointing reaction he's ever had by not having any facial reaction, turning my head and walk into my house locking the door after me. Standing in the entrance surrounded by shoes and the smell of stinky feet it takes me a few seconds to realise what i just saw and the panic kicks in. Not really because the guy was half naked masturbation in front of me but because this happened right outside my house. This freak knows where i live. 

Looking out the little peephole in the door seeing the guy was gone, i run up the stairs to the kitchen attacking my roommate with the experience i just had. Making her look out the window while i make sure the door to the 2nd floor is locked. Still panicking i turn to my phone. Who do i contact? Should i call the police? I choose to contact my landlord and had a quite weird conversation about how normal it was for Japanese girls to experience it and that they would just laugh or yell at the guy about how small he's penis was. And i can't help thinking how can this be a pleasant fetish to have for the guy if thats how he is treated? 

Starting to calm down i reassess the situation and experience i just had and with comforting words from my landlord i start to think clear. I wasn't touched, i wasn't robbed, i wasn't beaten. Only my brain feels harassed for having to carry that image around for a long time. Worse things could have happened and honestly i feel lucky that the guy only chose to show me he's peewee. Still super annoying that it was outside my house and I'm reminded by it every time i leave or enter my house. Asshole. 

Do i still think Japan is safe? Yes. 

I deserved it!

Theres a lot of things i think i do and don't deserve but it took me some time to actually figure out what i actually deserved and what i just greedily wanted. Do i deserve this donut or do i just greedily want it? Well, i did walk 6miles so i think i deserve eating it.  

Currently working for one of the worst companies I've ever been in, with an owner who is more concerned with hiring good looking foreign guys than actually people who can work and teach english. Giving the biggest salary to the person who is the furthest up her butt and not giving a shit about the co-workers who have been loyally working there for more than 10 years. Sex discrimination, lies, broken promises, low salary, unpaid overwork and attack on my appearance. The list goes on but i would then have to get into details which i rather keep to myself. Did i deserve this job? Talking to my other co-workers i realised i wasn't the only one getting mistreated and i started to question myself wether i was being greedy and unfair for being unsatisfied. This company did give me a visa and did make it possible for me to stay for another year in Japan which i was more than grateful for, but how much did i owe them for that? 

Truly blessed with friends that could introduce me to other jobs that made me realise that i did deserve more than this bullshit i have been through for 6 months and i finally quit. Having my last day at that place gave me so much satisfaction despite the fact that i will miss the hell out of those kids and i wasn't able the tell the real reason to the parents why i was leaving because that would put the company in a bad light. Even though i don't give a shit about that company i was constantly being watched every time i was saying goodbye to the parents. I also found it extremely hard to put on a straight face when my co-workers despite getting the same mistreatment and getting payed minimum wage even though they have been working there for more than 10 years didn't understand why i was leaving and why i was unsatisfied. Made me want to shake them so hard that some sense might come back to them but they were totally brainwashed and lacking of dreams and hopes. 

Well i guess i showed not only them but myself that i do deserve more than this. Soon starting in a new company with a salary and training i believe i deserve. Now i just have to prove to them that i deserved getting this job just as much as i deserved eating these delicious cakes.

New Year, New Start, New Challenges

Picture taken by Jeremy Goldberg

I deleted all my old blogposts as i'm trying out this new thing being creative and shit. I'm surrounded by all these creative people that inspires me to explore and hopefully find some hidden talents within myself. I don't know how it will turn out and i will probably regret deleting all the memories that used to be written here but new stuff needs new beginnings and I'm honestly too much of an lazy ass to make a new blog. 

I have been living in Tokyo for about a year and 6 months and everything still seems so unbelievable and unreal. What used to be a silly teenage dream of mine to live in Asia has become a reality. It doesn't feel like a vacation anymore. For a whole year i have been in a paradise world of partying, traveling around Japan, meeting people without having to deal with the daily life worries but things has come to an end and now life has become real. Even though I'm still an alien here I've started to call this place my home. I have a full time job, hopefully soon an apartment, a boyfriend and a small steady group of friends i meet with once a week to talk about life. To be honest life is scary here and to stop myself from going insane with frequent panic attacks i keep myself from thinking about the future. The whole visa deal sucks, job hunting sucks, not being able to speak fluent Japanese sucks and the whole ordeal just gives you the biggest insecure feelings since I'm not 100% sure wether I'm still are going to be able to live here next year. I guess thats the challenge life has given me and I've decided to take it. Thats why i have decided i wanted to record and document the challenge I've taken not only for myself but i want to share it with family, friends and even strangers. Who knows i might be able to inspire people close and far from me to take upon their own challenges in life wether they are small or big. Just knowing that its possible is just such a great inspiration to at least try it out. As my motto in life says its okay to fail, but never give up. 

I want to start blogging again just as a start and maybe get into putting together some small videos. The videos are still on trial base since it takes more work and more time and somehow when it comes to things like that I'm an perfectionist or at least never satisfied.

2014 lets do this!